1.10.11

van




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Very seldom you’ll be meeting someone who will impress you.
I did, keep her.. And lose her in the end.sad one.
Fast food is a place of good food, fast service and nice crews
..But for me? it is where I met the person who impressed me. That’s where I met her.

I was eighteen then when I began waking up to go to work. Quality, quick moving crews, fake smiles etc. are the things one will usually see and feel in the workplace, but I found something else..

I found myself thinking of this young lady who manages to go to school and go to work despite of stress. a girl who doesn’t know the meaning of weary and tiredness. someone who keeps a kind of power somewhere within. an energy that i felt and ’somewhere’ that I would like to know. Intriguing.

so i began learning things about her. “There’s something bout you i would like to know” i said, she smiled and that’s how the story begin. A pretty familiar feeling aroused. I started to walk beside her, counted several months and the offer was accepted. There are lots of thing we have shared and being on the usual ups and downs, I begin to know her and I began seeing a beautiful person in her.

A very understanding, loving, caring and..sum1 who’s giving up everything for me is who i found i am welcoming to my life. I haven’t met one before. I was
thankful for everything but i can feel something, a guilt. I have loved somebody who made me promised to myself I’m going to look for myself and and will be back to love her. That’s where the sin is. I was thinking that what’s happening is just a part of the plan, engraved in my mind. Scarred in my heart.

But, something was telling me something.I can feel the warmth of her hug, security on her shoulder and i can taste sweetness of her smile. it erases everything, the voice that says “don’t worry”.Someone came to erase the scar.

As you grow up you’ll find unbelievable things. Bout yourself. some are good some are not. Family, work, future and girls are all what’s on my mind. Different ideas are travelling so fast as i try to catch the time while i do the pantry, attend to the beeping fryer in the kitchen, bread some chicken and everything. fast-food. Among all of these multitasking and fast food requirements, one had been my favorite, to smile.

The store moving so fast slows down as i glance at her and feel a smile somewhere within. very comforting. Then, the ache strikes again, till i get home and feel her hug. Without her, everything is pain and confusion.

Being on the usual ups and downs, our relationship climbs up to the next levels. Still what I see is a beautiful soul. I have realized an addiction, pretty earthly but it was all welcomed and fed. She is amazing. I know what’s happening, i like it. but something really bothers me, what about this thing I can’t take off my mind? and why cant I? I know what I want..but do i know who
Am i? With all of the info bout life and me moving in my mind..do i know what can i do?
This confusion attracts the nightmare. I don’t know myself yet. Realizing something bout yourself brings pain. But that’s who you are, got to have to accept it before you can change it. What’s the unacceptable is, having someone affected by this.

It breaks my heart to see her crying as i tell the truth about what happened with me and someone who happened to be my other self. she is dark, she can get what she wants. Pretentious, that’s how she project at least. I was blinded. Who would know she can make me cross the borderline and shot me from there. I didn’t know she can. I was all confused. I just woke up, and she’s there feeding my addiction.
she was a girl who happened to be the best one, one can ever have as a friend, friend is how she calls it. Friendship is what we have. she is the other me. Well I believed. She was there, from the beginning of the story. “a true friend is a friend who can stab you in front”. When I look at the mirror, she was in there and said “you don’t know yourself yet” ..not verbally.(this part is a bit confusing but it was about a girl who happened to be my best who unknowingly want something unwanted to happen) angels and devils by dishwalla is my favorite song.but angels are not for devils, i know. for many reasons an angel can’t stay with a devil. but what’s this?I can feel a beautiful soul by my side; I can feel she is there. A soul so broken.Who is coming back to be fixed.

I am the eldest among my siblings. I have a sense of being responsible somehow.
A devil with a sense of responsibility is what I am. and, this time, i know I am responsible for fixing a broken heart. After everything that I have done, of all that happened, she welcomed me back with all of her heart. For another year, I’ve been a good one. Gently and gradually, i tried to heal the wounds I caused. Together we tried to bring back the old times. I hope to end the story ends here.

“Reality bites” ..and it hurts, for someone who can endure the pain..life is real.
That’s what i like about her. She lives in a real world, she knows what she wants, she knows how to love.. She knows herself. I adore her. I love her.
Why did I hurt such a good heart? i said. Clearly, there is no problem with her. its with me that i have to resolve. This is a kind of a long process, and as you find yourself, u will be hurt.. Many will be hurt. but with me? there is one thing i pretty sure of.. I’m going to find myself but I cannot let myself see her crying again. I remembered a promise the time we were both crying, when i shook my head on her shoulder and water came out of my eyes and fell on the ground. Water that made a promise sprouted.
“I’ll never let this things happen again”.

For more than two years she have never shown any weariness, I haven’t heard what i was expecting.”I’m tired of you”. That’s what she was, the first time i met her in KFC. A girl who doesn’t how to get tired of anything. Someone who keeps a power within. Someone who knows how to love so deeply and use its power to change a life. I was changed by her. But I know, I need to know a lot of things about me first. I need to know how to find myself and to love myself so I can love her back. “If you love a person you should know how to set her free”.

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